Chuck Norris invented the printing press by putting two pieces of blank paper together.
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist. They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore. The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens." The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job." Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".
Q: What is worst than raining black cats and bloodhounds? A: Hailing taxi cabs!
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Chuck Norris can drive to the moon... on foot.
Yo mama is so fat she doesn't need the internet. She is already WORLD WIDE!
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
In the beginning of time, God created the world and then rested. Then he created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then neither God nor man has rested.
Chuck gives the sun the chills.
Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.