Best jokes ever

Yo mamma so fat, it takes her two trips to haul ass.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, insulting
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?" Patient: "I think I’m a chicken." Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?" Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, doctor
Chuck Norris walked into the gold and silver pawn shop in Las Vegas. They made a deal. Chuck now owns the shop.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, business
Chuck Norris paints little red wagons for a living with his victim's blood. But not the wheels. That's just wrong.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. NOW -------- Enough of that crap... The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock. MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
There is a lady laying in bed. At about midnight her husband comes walking in with a sheep under his arm and says ”That’s the fat pig I’ve been sleeping with when I’m not sleeping with you.” His wife gets a confused look on her face and states ”but honey that’s not a pig its a sheep.” Her husband says ”Shut up pig I’m talking to the sheep!”
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, husband, fat
Why did the farmer put brandy in the cow's food? He wanted to raised stewed beef.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, food
What gas do snails prefer? Shell.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Save the tree, eat a beaver.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Cavemen didn't invent fire Chuck Norris mearly clicked his fingers and gave it to them.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris