Chuck Norris can watch music.
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives: 1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident. 2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident. 3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience. I'll take the lawyers heart. After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient: "Why did you choose the lawyers heart?" "Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."
How do you caculate the population of Russia? You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.
The names 'Adam and Eve' were simply coverups. They were really Chuck and Norris.
What do you call a neurotic octopus? A crazy, mixed-up squid.
Chuck Norris decided 50 years of Micheal Jackson was enough
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to keep interrupting by standing up and shouting "Objection!"
Chuck norris recently received a restraining order barring him from getting closer then half a mile from Satan.
Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Fedor Emelianenko because he takes Fedor to the vet regularly.
The saying "Kill two birds with one stone" actually came from when chuck Norris downed two Peregrin Falcons with one roundhouse kick.