Best jokes ever

Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E? A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: elf, Christmas, Santa
An alcoholic, a smoker and a gay went to a doctor. The doctor told them that if they do again what they think are addicted to, they will die. As soon as the alcoholic went out of the hospital, he saw a bar. He thought for a while and said to himself, "If I drink one, I will die, if I don’t drink, I will die, too. So it’s better to get drunk." And he entered the bar, drank and died. At that time, the smoker saw one cigarette-end on the street. The gay walking behind him started crying, "Don’t! Don’t do it!" "Why? I want to smoke so much." "If you bend... we both are dead!"
Vote: has 62.60 % from 273 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, alcohol, doctor, death, bar
Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids? A: Cocoa puffs.
Vote: has 62.56 % from 137 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, black people, kids
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
Vote: has 62.55 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea, let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own blanket."
Vote: has 62.52 % from 383 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?" The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?" The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: drunk, party, bar, blonde, stupid
Why did the Mexican take Xanax? For hispanic attacks.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: mexican, ethnic, poems
Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, fart, men
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
What do you get when you mix a nigger and an octopus? I don't know, but it picks the hell out of cotton
Vote: has 62.50 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, black people