What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
Insufficient sand.
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement:
"Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when I took her to the zoo, the security guard thanked me for bringing her back.
Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
Vote:
What kind of a car does a proctologist drive?
A brown Probe!
Vote:
Chuck Norris can put 13 eggs in a dozen carton.
Vote:
Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.
His mother had Puritan principals.
The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.
"Mom, can I escort Helen?"
The girl, waiting to hear a cold hearted "no", she surprised hears: "Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!"
Yo' Mama is so poor, when she goes to the park, the pigeons throw her bread.