The best animal jokes

Q:Where do you find giant snails? A:On the ends of their fingers.
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Q:What did the polar bear say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags? A:Mmmm, sandwiches!
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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
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A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled, "A crocodile, a crocodile!" The woman woke up and asked, "Where, where?" A man cried again, "O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"
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What do you get if you cross a cow with a tension headache? A bad mood.
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Q: Why did the atheist throw her watch out the window? A: She wanted to see if it was designed intelligently enough to evolve into a bird.
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A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
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More jokes about: animal, weed, alcohol
What’s the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road? There’s skid marks in front of the skunk.
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More jokes about: black people, animal, death
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
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What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together.
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