The best IT jokes

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT
An internet maniac boy asks his father: Daddy, why do we have five fingers if the mouse has only two buttons?
Vote: has 34.72 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, dad, computer
When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Vote: has 34.69 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, programmer
How come the women loves the PC? It’s easier to turn on!
Vote: has 34.09 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, love, computer
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. "Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks." Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: "Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, medical, money, time, health
Two packets walk into a bar. One of the packets asks the bartender for a drink, and gets no response The other packet tries and the bartender shrugs him off. One packet leans to the other and says, "The quality of service here is terrible!"
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT
I’ve invented a human computer. When he does a mistake he blames another computer.
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT, computer
A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem. The project manager said: "Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination." The computer programmer said: "We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive." The computer operator said: "First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem." Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said: "Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: IT