A city child came running into the farmhouse. “No wonder that mama pig is so big,” she yelled. “There’s a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!”
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny.
Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? It lives on ice.
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?" "Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to punch you in the nose." "Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?" "Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender. "THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!" "Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?" "Ruff!" "What are you tryin' to pull, mister?" "Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?" "Ruth." The bartender beats the heck out of the guy and throws him onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy. "Geez. D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard. I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg. That'll blow his little mind.
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.