Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital... twice.
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Chuck Norris was once hospitalised, becaused he kicked his own ass.
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It is convenient to be near a hospital when you are injured.
It is also convenient to insult Chuck Norris while standing in an open grave.
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A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”
One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
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What every sports player should say after winning?
"First of all, I would like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
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Chuck Norris always knows where x is.
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Leonardo DiCaprio only starred in Inception because if he didn't, Chuck Norris will enter his dream and roundhouse kick him into limbo.
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A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.
The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don’t see why not," replies the doctor.
"That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
Yo mama is too black like she was born in a burning hospital.
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Peter: "Your secretary is very sexy..."
Tony: "Thanks! It's a robot actually, named 'Maria'. If you squeeze her right boob, she takes dictation & if you squeeze her left boob, she types letters! I'll Lend it to you for a day & you can see her functions..."
Next day Peter called Tony from hospital & shouted: "You bastard!"
You didn't tell me that the "HOLE" between Maria's legs is a pencil sharpener.
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In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
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