Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air.
Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.
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Kanye West interupted Chuck Norris and became Kanye East.
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April doesn't fool Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris fools April.
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Chuck Norris can get up to level 40 in Fallout 3.
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Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret?
They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die.
Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called the vicar who had married her.
"Reverend," she wailed, "John and I have had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the Reverend, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna, "but what on earth am I going to do with the body?"
A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front.
Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.
"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?" retorted the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.
Q: In which room we cannot live?
A: Mushroom.
What's grosser than gross?
Ten babies in one mail box.
What's grosser than that?
One baby in ten mailboxes.
What's grosser than that?
Biting into a pickle and finding a vein.
What's grosser than that?
A cheerleader doing a split and sticking to the floor.
What's grosser than that?
A girl thinking she has crabs only to find it's fruit flies because her cherry rotted.
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Chuck Norris caught a bullet with the same gun he fired it from.
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