Aliens do exist.
They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
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Little Johnny returns from school and says:
"Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!"
"But I hope you are not writing them, my son."
"No, I'm dictating them!"
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Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.
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Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.
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Europe to Iceland:
Why did you send us volcanic ash? Our airspace has shut down.
Iceland: What? That's what you asked for isn't it?
Europe: NO! We said cash! CASH!
Iceland: Woooops...
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Everyone knows Chuck Norris' pet rock... he named it "Earth."
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What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common?
They both shower after three periods!
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One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
"Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?"
"Because I feel like it."
"Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari."
"Whatever."
So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour.
Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
"I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?"
"It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
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Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!
Yo' Mama is so hairy, she has to part the hair on her butt to go to the bathroom.