Yo Mama's glasses are so thick she looks at a map and sees people waving.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None.
It should be opened by the time she brings it.
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'
Three prisoners are locked in a cell.
One takes out a harmonica and says, ‘At least I can play a little music and pass the time.’
The second prisoner pull out a pack of cards and says, ‘We can play games too.’
The third man pulls out a packet of tampons.
‘Those aren’t much use,’ says the first prisoner.
‘Yes they are,’ says the third prisoner.
‘On the packet it says we can use them to swim, play tennis and ski.’
There was once a ship that wouldn't let chuck norris on board.
It is now known as titanic
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As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
Yo mama is so stupid she tried to commit suicide by jumping out the basement window.
Two blonde football fans are walking along the road when one of them picks up a mirror.
He looks in it and says, 'Hey, I know that person!'
The second one picks it up and says, 'Of course you do, you idiot, it's me'.
Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers.
"My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12."
"Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals."
"He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."
"Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much.
But he would be 152 years old."
When Chuck Norris goes to the gym the treadmill sweats.
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