Best jokes ever

A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
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Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public? A: A private tooter.
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What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose? "Darling."
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Hey babe, can I get into your penalty box? High five!
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Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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How do you make stew out of a leper? Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.
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What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? "Run faster....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth."
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What did the blonde say when someone blew in her bra? ‘Thanks for the refill.’
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What did the blonde’s holiday postcard say? ‘Having a wonderful time. Where am I?’
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It's legal to earn money playing hockey Many people play hockey even after they're married The puck's always hard The protective equipment is reusable It lasts at least an hour A two-on-one or a three-on-one is not uncommon You always know how big the stick is You can clean your stick in public without anyone minding You can change players on the fly You don't have to be embarrassed if you don't get the puck up Everyone is finished when the buzzer sounds Your parents cheer when you score Periods last only 20 minutes You're sure to get it at least twice a week You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
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