Best jokes ever

Q: What is a turkey's favorite dessert? A: Peach gobbler.
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Q: If marriage is terrific what is divorce? A: Ten thousand!
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Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife? A: Let him keep her!
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Q: If Bigamy is having one wife too much, what is Monogamy? A: The Same!
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Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters? A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
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Q: What kind of money do elves use? A: Jingle bills!
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Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class? A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
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Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
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"I have the body of an athlete." "Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."
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Chuck Norris can skydive into outer space.
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