Your momma so fat...
She put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
Who do you think would win in a fight? Godzilla or King Kong
Neither, Chuck Norris doesn't let his pets fight!
Vote:
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Can you repeat this sentence 3 times without stammering?
3 witches watch 3 Swatch watches; which witch watches which Swatch watches?
Vote:
There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane.
The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds.
He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.
The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled.
He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer.
Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word.
The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?"
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ?
A: B-52...F-16...A-10.
One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road.
He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.
"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.
"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."
Q: What are the three words you never wanna hear whilst having sex?
A: "Honey I'm home."
Vote:
Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.