Chuck Norris can give you a wet willie with a dry finger.
The church is struck by lightning. The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as. The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church. One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!
Unicorns are extinct but Chuck Norris used all their horns as toothpicks.
When you come to a road that says "ONE WAY", that mean Chuck Norris is the other way.
Chuck Norris can watch DVD's on a VCR.
Clark Kent had to call himself "Superman" because "Chuck Norris" was already taken.
Chuck Norris doesn’t swim, we beats the water into submission.
Chuck Norris watched the entire Lord of the Rings without blinking.