There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill.
The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?"
He replied, "No I think I'll wait."
So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?"
His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait."
The first bum ate the road kill.
Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street.
Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke.
The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?"
His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
Vote:
"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."
Vote:
Q: What’s the definition of a pessimist?
A: A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she put the operator on speed dial.
Your momma is so fat that her measurements are 26-34-28, and her other arm is just as big!
Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.
Vote:
I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
Vote:
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office.
Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out:
"Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children."
"Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman.
"That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker.
"Oh, den I uses the last names."
What do you call a mexican having a shower?
A miracle.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with Chuck Norris?
A: Nothing. Nobody crosses Chuck Norris.
Vote: