Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A: He didn't have any arms.
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We only submit these facts so he doesn't kill us.
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I hope you're into yoga, cause you're going to get a good stretch tonight.
A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.
Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said
"Why did you put up such a fight?"
To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"
Chuck Norris favorite pick up line: ''now''
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huck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.
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A woman went to the doctor's and complained of being really sore.
"Do you have any idea why?"
"Well, I had sex with an elephant!"
"You did?
But elephants are known to have small penises!"
"Yeah, but he fingered me first."
A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....
Cop: "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
Blonde: "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
Cop: "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Blonde: "Oh!
Stupid me!
Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."
At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.
Cop: "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there?
They're shaking something awful."
Blonde: "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathisers.