What's the last thing that goes through your mind when you fight Chuck Norris?
His foot.
Vote:
Each hair on Chuck Norris' beard holds the soul of a victim.
Vote:
When Chuck Norris steals a car he forces it to start.
Vote:
There are no comets.
Only people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that they are now in permanent orbit in our solar system.
Vote:
A deer hunter just messed up another hunt.
This happened to him more times than he could count.
He would spot a buck, aim, fire and miss.
He would sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away.
He would sneeze just as the buck came into range.
He would fall asleep on the stand, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away.
Frustrated, he complained to his hunting buddies.
"Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!" he said.
A woman goes to a doctor, doctor, I'm tired of life, want to finish my life, what is best to kill myself?
The doctor says: "Should yourself 5 cm under your breast, you will be dead!"
2 weeks later, woman back at doctors, what happened?
I shot myself into my knee.
*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
Yo mamas teeth are so yellow she helped Dorothy get to the emerald city.
Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.
“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one,
“that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”
“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”
“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”
Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?
A: He elected to receive.