Yo' Mama's breath is so nasty, it makes onions cry.
What's the difference between a rooster and your mom? A rooster says cockadoodledoo, Your mom says anycockledoo.
A man walks into a New York City bank and says he wants to borrow $2,000 for three weeks. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says "I've got a Rolls Royce -- keep it until the loan is paid off -- here are the keys." The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gives the man $2,000. Three weeks later the man comes into the bank, pays back the $2,000 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possession of the Rolls Royce. The loan officer asks him, "Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow two thousand dollars?" The man answers, "I had to go to Europe for three weeks, and where else could I store a Rolls Royce for that long for ten dollars?"
What do you call a black woman who got an abortion? A member of crimestoppers of america.
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder? A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!
Q. Why don't lions eat clowns? A. Because they taste funny.
Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. "You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked." "'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.