Yo mamma so fat when she looked at the scale she yelled, "Thats not my weight, thats my phone number!"
Why are there no zebras in Czech zoos? Czechs and stripes don’t mix.
There was this guy, let's call him bob. One night Bob went to about 5 bars, and he drank, like, 17 beers. After he was done with that, like any normally functioning person, he really had to go. So he asked the bartender where the bathroom was, and he went to where he thought it was. Later that night, Bob was laying in bed trying to go to sleep, and he was thought, "wait a minute.. there was a golden toilet!!" Right then he got up and went out to find the special toilet. He had hit 5 bars that night, so he went to the first one, asked where the bathroom was, when he went and looked, there was no golden toilet. This continued until he got to the last bar, he was really tired by then, and rather then going to look for the toilet himself, he asked the bartender, "do you by any chance have a golden toilet here?" and the bartender said to another person that was there, "hey! I think I found the guy who crapped in the tuba!!!"
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.
I’m proud to say I made my money the old-fashioned way. My dad left it to me in his will.
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, it turned itself in.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
How do you make a blonde’s eyes sparkle? Shine a torch into her ear.
How do you guess a blond played at you’re computer? The joystick is on the chair.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most? Fry-day!