Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
In 1666, Chuck Norris caught the Plague. The Plague learned its lesson, and has stayed away since then.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Chuck Norris does not buy ground beef, he just takes a whole cow, runs it through his beard, and fully cooked hamburgers come out.
Chuck Norris goes to the Bermuda Triangle for vacation.
Chuck Norris can build a Water Dam... In the Sahara Desert.
If, by some incredible space-time parodox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Ozzy Osbourne once snorted a line of ants. Chuck Norris once snorted a line of bricks.
Chuck Norris doesn't have an attitude. He has a personality you can't handle.
Chuck Norris broke the law once. It still isn’t fixed.
Chuck Norris bunked school one day. Till today that day is known as Sunday.