When Chuck Norris finds fools' gold it automatically turns into real gold. Chuck Norris is nobody's fool.
Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris protects his airbag in an accident.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
A watched pot boils instantly for Chuck Norris.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
Chuck Norris doesn't hold any world records, he broke them all.
No one's afraid to criticize the US President, but no one even dares to say one bad thing about Chuck Norris...
When Chuck Norris has your back you aren't likely to get it back again.
The city of Dallas wanted to name a major street Chuck Norris Boulevard but decided against it because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives!