When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
The old couple next door are having a ‘Football Romance’, each is waiting for the other to kick off so they can get some action.
What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater? A plain clothes police dog!
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids. 2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel. 1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
My wife and I lead a quiet life. The last time we went out together was when the gas boiler exploded.
One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours. Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours. The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, "please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned her into a man. He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.