My sex life isn’t dead, but the buzzards are circling.
The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit. We put the tape in and started to copy the movements. After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws. It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake! How we laughed!!!!
Men are like buses. One comes every 15 minutes.
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."
And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.
Want a taste of my hanging sausage?
How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people? You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.