There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods...
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs...
You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God!
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic.My husband said it was him or the cat...
I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!
Q: What do you call a 900-pound woman with a yeast infection?
A: A whopper with cheese.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100?
Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access.
It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
They are a fastidious couple.
She’s fast and he’s hideous.
Yo momma’s so ugly, the last time she heard a whistle she got hit by a train.
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by.
One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her!
The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?