What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef.
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here’s $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery. "Well, since we’re confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I’m ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
If you write the Death Note on Chuck Norris, the Death Note dies.
What do you get from a short-legged cow? Dragon milk.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really.
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer...and a mop.
Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
Yo Momma's so stupid, she ordered a cheeseburger without the cheese.