Whiskey is a great drink – it makes you see double and feel single.
My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered.
Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
Yo momma’s so ugly, when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.
Getting money out of my father was like taking candy from a baby.
He used to scream and cry like hell.
Yo Mama so old...
She's got the first autographed Koran.
Your momma so stanky...when she passes by the toilet it flushes!!!
Your momma so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran out with a spoon!
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub.
The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.
Police suspect a cereal killer.