What famous painting do cows love to look at? The Moona Lisa.
What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely, it's a gift.
Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads? Because they're headcases.
What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all die. In order to get into heaven though, they must go up 100 steps, each containing a joke. The trick is that they must not laugh. The brunette goes first and laughs at the first step and is sent to hell. The redhead goes next and makes it to the seventh step before she laughs. Finally, it’s the blondes turn. She gets all the way to the 99th step before she laughs. God asks her, “You were so close, why did you laugh?” and she responds, “I just got the first joke!”
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.’ Jackie Mason
My mama would whip my butt so bad in the grocery store, they would announce it on the speakers.
Chuck Norris once joined the Army. That's how the motto, "An Army of One" was created.
I married my wife for her money. And believe me, I’ve earned it.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"