Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking alcohol when all of a sudden, the passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-lice roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin,' OK?" said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each stuck a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl. "We's on the patch!"
One cure for a cold consists of three shots of whisky. There are better remedies, but most people don’t want to hear them.
Yo momma’s so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran and got a bowl.
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter? A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Chuck Norris once planted a box of Cheerios in his yard, the result was a donut tree.
Budgeting: When you work out that the money you owe is exactly the same as the money you spent.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses transport trucks as roller skates.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.