Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face.
The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris broke the world record for most punches in a minute with one roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris invented zombies so that he can kill his victims again.
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Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler.
With him inside it.
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There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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When Chuck Norris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.
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All men are created equal.
Equally inferior to Chuck Norris.
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In the beginning, God created light because Chuck allowed him to.
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Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
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Chuck Norris can make a snowman with sand.
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Chuck Norris was banned from going to "housewarming" parties because he kept burning them down.
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