Why did the football coach flood the pitch? Because he wanted to bring on the sub!
Two men were sitting at the top floor of the Empire State Building. One man says to the other.. "You know, if you jump out the window here, the force of the wind will blow you back in through the window on the 90th floor.." The other man says "fuck off, you're jokin aren't u?" The 1st man says "No, here.. I'll prove it" so he stands on the window ledge and jumps out.. and comes back in thru the 90th floor window.. The 2nd man says.. "That was just a one off" So he does it again.. and comes thru on the 90th floor.. runs back up and says "See, im telling the truth" The 2nd man says "Wow, im gonna do it then" he stands on the window ledge, jumps out and falls to his death. The barman says to the first man.. "You know, you're a cunt when you're drunk superman.
I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
What’s the difference between a nigger and a white man? As much as you see with your eyes!
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
Born free. Taxed to death. A man goes into a shop to get his wife a present. He points out a bottle of perfume and asks
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big? A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.