Best jokes ever

Wife:"There's trouble with car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband:"Water in a carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife:"I tell you the cas has water in the carburetor." Husband:"You don't even know what a carburetor is.I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife:"In the pool."
Vote: has 52.78 % from 123 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
Vote: has 52.77 % from 198 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, wife, kids
Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
Vote: has 52.77 % from 48 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, love, women
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead nigger in the road? The dead dog has skid marks in front of it.
Vote: has 52.76 % from 60 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, dog, death
Genuine advert. In New York Newspaper Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannia. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows f**king everything.
Vote: has 52.75 % from 164 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, money, wife
Yo mama so stupid she stab her self with a shooting gun.
Vote: has 52.73 % from 3 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, stupid
A man walks into a crowded local bar brandishing a revolver yelling "Who’s been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar shouts back, "You don’t have enough ammo, mate!"
Vote: has 52.70 % from 314 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, bar, wife
Q: Why are black ladies pocket books so big? A: They have to put their lipstick some where.
Vote: has 52.64 % from 74 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people
A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us together when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices - I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember. So?" "I would have gotten out today."
Vote: has 52.63 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
She’s like train tracks – she’s been laid across the country.
Vote: has 52.59 % from 55 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex