Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
A: Mr. XMass
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
Wolverine has been called indestructible because of his adamantium skeleton... until Chuck Norris broke every bone in his body.
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John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.
One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere.
Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time.
St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
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Atlas doesn't drop the earth because he knows Chuck Norris lives in it.
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Chuck Norris dosn't need a gun, he points an says pow!
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Thundergun shot is a Chuck Norris sneeze.
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When you insult Chuck Norris, the next thing you are going to see is a bunch of halos.
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How much white out does Chuck Norris use?
Don't be silly - Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.
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