The best Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris once had a pet monkey...his name was KING KONG
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Chuck Norris cuts off parts of his beard and sells it...we know this as kevlar.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to be in the movie Halloween but the director thought it would be kind of stupid for Michael Meyers to stab himself in fear.
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Chuck Norris was supposed to play the lead role in Mission: Impossible. He was replaced by Tom Cruise because the tittle wouldn't make any sense.
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Chuck Norris named his parents.
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Chuck Norris jumped off a building once. The ground didn't make it.
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Chuck Norris wears sunglasses not to protect his eyes from the sun, but to protect the sun from Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris CAN get blood from a stone.
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When you sneeze, it means someone is thinking badly of you. When you have a seizure and pass out, it means Chuck Norris is thinking badly
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When Chuck Norris touched a Prius, it turned into a Ferrari
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