Chuck Norris can turn carbon paper into diamonds.
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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
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Chuck Norris can make scissors beat rock.
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Chuck Norris roundhoused a guy so hard he starved to death before he stopped sliding.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need his seatbelt becouse no one is stupid enough to hit him.
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Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris fell off a building, he got sued for breaking the sidewalk with his fists.
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Q: What do a bungee jump cord and a hooker have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks you're screwed.
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When Chuck Norris donates blood he refuses the needle, he asks for a knife and a bucket.
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Chuck Norris once won a staredown over a walkie talkie.
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It's not the fall that kills you, it's Chuck Norris waiting for you at the bottom.
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