The best bar jokes

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "Youre under 18," replies the barman.
Vote: has 51.67 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar? He got bombed.
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, military
There were three guys in a bar boasting about the amount of control they have over their wives after getting drunk. One said my wife never says no to me, the second one says my wife always says yes to me. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?" The third fellow says "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees." The first two guys were amazed. "What happened then?" They asked. She said, "get out from under the bed and fight like a man".
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, wife
So Descartes goes into a bar late one night for a beer. At closing time, the bartender makes Last Call and asks him, "Get you another?" Descartes replies, "I think not." And disappears.
Vote: has 50.96 % from 46 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, bartender, beer, math
The Perfect Man At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want,get a TV!"
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, music, technology
Q: How do you know you're in a vampire bar? A: There's a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, disgusting
Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? A: "May I push in your stool?"
Vote: has 50.30 % from 179 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, gay
A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, "Listen here, jack*ss. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs." Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, "Ma'am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone." The blonde replies, "Stay out of this, sir. I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee!"
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, blonde, stupid
A brain walks into a bar and says, "Ill have a pint of beer please. "The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I cant serve you." "Why not?" askes the brain. "Youre already out of your head."
Vote: has 49.61 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
The travelin' Texan picked up a sweet young thang in a bar and after several rounds, ordered the biggest steaks they had. Later, they retired to his room, naturally the largest in the hotel. As they undressed, he said, "I'm from Fort Worth, Texas, and we have the biggest of everything." The girl only nodded and smiled. As they began to make love, he exclaimed, "Golleeeee, lil' Lady! What part of Texas y'all from?"
Vote: has 48.79 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bar, love, racist


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