Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses? A: Because they don't C#.
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."