Work emails are like the gym. You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun. You get bored of it within hours. You only keep going to keep up your reputation. The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
Google+ is the gym of social networking. We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body. I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"
The only exercise I have done this month... is running out of money.
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me, "Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it." I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.
When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym? A: He was destroying his calves.