The best elf jokes

One particular Christmas season a long time ago Santa was ready for his Christmas run... but there were problems. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the bottle and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?" Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
has 79.52 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: black humor, Christmas, elf, Santa
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
has 57.69 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, elf, music
Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music!
has 57.50 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: elf, music
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? A: Why, shortbread of course!
has 57.49 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: elf, food
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school? A: The "elf"-abet!
has 55.64 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: elf, school
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get? A: Mistle-toes!
has 54.98 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: athlete, Christmas, elf
Q: What kind of money do elves use? A: Jingle bills!
has 54.89 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: elf, money
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status? A: Elf-employed.
has 54.14 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: elf, Santa, tax
How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"
has 54.13 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: elf, life
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in? Mini vans!
has 52.63 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: car, elf, Santa, travel
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