The best history jokes

The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
Vote: has 84.42 % from 224 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, history, IT, technology
In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, "Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests." Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. "Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, 'Who was our first president?', and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put 'George Washington,' and so did you." "So, everyone knows that he was the first president." "Well, just wait a minute," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who freed the slaves?' Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you." "Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that," said Johnny. "Wait, wait," said Mr. Johnson. "The next question was, 'Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?' Mary put 'I don't know,' and you put, 'Me neither'."
Vote: has 84.26 % from 629 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: history, political, school, student, teacher
Who's the biggest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Vote: has 80.88 % from 322 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, dirty, game, history
Nate: Why was school easier for cave people? Kate: Why? Nate: Because there was no history to study!
Vote: has 78.16 % from 281 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: history, school
A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says: "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature. "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks: "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back to the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plonks it on the counter. "I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replies, "Well you know math always was a little hard to swallow."
Vote: has 67.69 % from 51 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: history, math, school
Who's the most famous Jewish cook in history? Hitler.
Vote: has 65.74 % from 105 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, history, Hitler, jewish
Reading Chuck Norris Facts is the same as learning history.
Vote: has 65.32 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, history
Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Bang.
Vote: has 64.88 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, history, science
Q: Why do Americans like black candles? A: Because it reminds them of 'the good old days'.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black people, ethnic, history, racist
“The Day the Earth Stood Still” is based off the one day in Earth’s history when Chuck Norris slept.
Vote: has 62.22 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, history