The best chemistry jokes

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
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has 84.14 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, geek, science
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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has 84.04 % from 775 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, chemistry, death, little Johnny, school
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
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has 81.78 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, nerd
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
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has 81.04 % from 195 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, chemistry, nerd
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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has 80.92 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, life, love, nerd
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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has 80.55 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, nerd
Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
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has 80.27 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, nerd, science
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
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has 80.27 % from 164 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, death, life
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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has 78.73 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, nerd
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
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has 78.67 % from 178 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, death, nerd
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