The best chemistry jokes

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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More jokes about: alcohol, chemistry, death, little Johnny, school
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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More jokes about: chemistry, nerd
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
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More jokes about: chemistry
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
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The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Vote: has 76.51 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, geek, science
Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" - and he died.
Vote: has 76.46 % from 82 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you," The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"? A: BaNa2
Vote: has 75.66 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Vote: has 75.03 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, Chuck Norris, science