The best fat jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 86.49 % from 742 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Vote: has 85.59 % from 514 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 83.54 % from 449 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
Vote: has 83.40 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, life, love, money, women
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
Vote: has 83.32 % from 4762 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Vote: has 82.08 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
Vote: has 81.43 % from 290 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Vote: has 81.42 % from 2351 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat every time she sits down they add another country to the map.
Vote: has 80.60 % from 680 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year."
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: communication, customer service, fat, time