The best fat jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 86.89 % from 707 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Vote: has 86.03 % from 491 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 83.72 % from 427 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
Vote: has 83.46 % from 4511 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
Vote: has 81.77 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: business, fat, food, kids, relationship
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
Vote: has 81.74 % from 240 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Vote: has 81.60 % from 2307 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale it says TO BE CONTINUED...
Vote: has 80.29 % from 928 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
Vote: has 80.20 % from 525 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat every time she sits down they add another country to the map.
Vote: has 80.02 % from 644 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama