The best fat jokes

An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
has 83.62 % from 801 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
has 82.87 % from 1051 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
has 82.60 % from 741 votes. More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?" That's about as far as I remember.
has 81.98 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, women
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
has 81.97 % from 7104 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
has 81.59 % from 132 votes. More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
Me: I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes. Friend: How? Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.
has 81.58 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, friendship
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
has 80.75 % from 1104 votes. More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha­­! That's not going to help," she said. "Sure, it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
has 80.74 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
has 80.52 % from 2958 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
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