The best fat jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 85.95 % from 767 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Vote: has 84.65 % from 539 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
Vote: has 83.05 % from 5102 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 82.98 % from 466 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
Vote: has 82.07 % from 75 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, life, love, money, women
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Vote: has 81.49 % from 2406 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
Vote: has 80.58 % from 351 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat every time she sits down they add another country to the map.
Vote: has 80.48 % from 736 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale it says TO BE CONTINUED...
Vote: has 80.05 % from 1012 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
Vote: has 79.99 % from 616 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama