The best fat jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 84.81 % from 808 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Vote: has 83.96 % from 563 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 83.38 % from 497 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
Vote: has 82.68 % from 5782 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
Vote: has 81.95 % from 541 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Vote: has 81.43 % from 2554 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
My ex-wife is so thick, that it is for me, when we meet sometimes, easier to jump her over than to go around her.
Vote: has 81.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, mean, wife, women
Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.
Vote: has 80.44 % from 421 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, insulting, money, Yo mama
Yo mamas so fat that when she stepped on a scale, buzz lightyear came out and said "to infinity and beyond!"
Vote: has 80.30 % from 912 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she went to the circus the little girl asked if she could ride the elephant.
Vote: has 79.84 % from 786 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: elephant, fat, Yo mama