The best fat jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
has 82.75 % from 1105 votes. More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
has 82.65 % from 854 votes. More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?" That's about as far as I remember.
has 82.61 % from 291 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, women
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
has 82.40 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
has 82.31 % from 771 votes. More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
has 81.90 % from 7231 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
has 81.19 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: doctor, family, fat, sport
A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha­­! That's not going to help," she said. "Sure, it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
has 80.58 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: communication, fat
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
has 80.39 % from 3012 votes. More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
has 80.37 % from 1077 votes. More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
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