The best fat jokes

A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 86.82 % from 720 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Vote: has 85.60 % from 499 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, fat, marriage
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 83.73 % from 434 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
Yo Momma So Fat The Only Letters She Knows In The Alphabet Are K.F.C!
Vote: has 83.49 % from 4594 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat that her ass is a laundry so we can iron anything on it.
Vote: has 83.45 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, vulgar, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat when she farts its noise is just a nightingale.
Vote: has 82.02 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, fart, fat, Yo mama
Yo momma so fat when she goes camping the bears hide their food.
Vote: has 81.52 % from 2320 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat it took nationwide 3 years to get on her side.
Vote: has 80.93 % from 253 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, time, Yo mama
Yo Momma is so fat… That she broke a branch in her family tree!
Vote: has 80.54 % from 540 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, fat, insulting, Yo mama
A fat lady (To a health expert): "Give me some advice that can reduce my fatness." Health expert: "Okay. You must move your head to the right and the left at a particular time." Fat lady: "At which particular time?" Health expert: "Whenever anybody asks you to eat."
Vote: has 80.45 % from 62 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, fat, health, life