The best pirate jokes

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out." "That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned. "Get my brown pants."
has 80.29 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: beauty, life, pirate
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
has 79.22 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, life, pirate
Q: What's a horny pirate's worst nightmare? A: A sunken chest with no booty!
has 78.76 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: dirty, pirate
Q: How did the pirate get through School? A: By sailing on high C's.
has 75.90 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: pirate, school
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's steering wheel stuck to the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, doesn't that hurt?" The pirate growls, "Aye, it's drivin' me nuts."
has 73.13 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, pirate
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
has 71.05 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast? A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
has 68.60 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: pirate, sport
How did Captain Hook die? He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!
has 67.19 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, pirate
Q: What has 12 arms, 12 legs, and 12 eyes? A: 12 pirates.
has 64.09 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: mean, pirate
Q: What do pirates wear in the winter? A: Long Johns!
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: pirate, winter
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