Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...
Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? A: Hope it's Halloween!
Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?" I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?" He said, "A werewolf." I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on." He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she walked out of the room her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!" "I can go out as whatever I want and so can you!" The man agreed and went into his room. Soon he came out naked with a string tied to his penis and a potato at the end of the string. The woman said, "You're going out as that?" "Yes," said the old man. "If you can go out as a sourpuss, I can go out as a dicktator."