Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?" The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?" I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?" He said, "A werewolf." I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on." He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"