Hypocrisy: When a Jehovahs Witness doesn't celebrate Halloween because they don't like random people knocking on their doors.
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk" Son: "What's mom gonna be?" Me: "Mad"
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
I'm not saying my wife is ugly... but on Halloween, she went to tell the neighbors to turn their TV down and they gave her some candy.
Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost on Halloween. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer later downloads his photos and finds that the photos are underexposed and completely blank. Moral of the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.
Q: What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? A: Wrap music!
I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn't in. Forget the ships. My lighthouse, my rules...