The best football jokes

Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory. He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back. "Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away. Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?" The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."
Vote: has 75.38 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, elephant, football, geography, memory
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Vote: has 73.87 % from 157 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: football, sport, stupid, Yo mama
The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, football
Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club. He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked every week !'
Vote: has 71.76 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: football, sport
A first-grade teacher can't 
believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl. "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?" "Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student. "Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?" "Then I'd be a football fan."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: football, student, teacher
Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? because the grass tickles their balls :)
Vote: has 69.60 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, football
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!" Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: disgusting, football, hospital, sport, work
After football fans in Philadelphia were treated to a particularly excruciating loss earlier in the season, a man phoned a sports-radio talk-show host to say, "Everyone should call in and give one word for that game." "What's your word?" the host 
replied. "Bored out of my mind," said the caller.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: football, game
Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team? A: The New York Jets.
Vote: has 67.69 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: air force, black humor, ethnic, football, terrorist
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the 
second fan. "If they made more of 
an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, 
I'd be supporting a decent team."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: family, football, geography, management, sport