The best football jokes

An old football player was dying. So he called her wife and told her: "My dearest you see I'm dying. May you confess how many times you have done betrays against me during your life?" Her spouse said: "Forgive me, my dear, only 3 times: 1. Do you remember it was so difficult to admit you as a football player in the team? So I went to the couch and did something. That was the cause for you to be a player in the team. 2. Do you remember when you entered the team no body didn't pass you? I went to 10 others players so they changed a friendly treatment during half times. 3. Do you remember during matching nobody of 30000 viewers didn't encourage you? I did something..."
Vote: has 84.97 % from 240 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: death, football, friendship, relationship, sex
Q: Why aren't Pakistani good at Football? A: Because every time they get a Corner, they open a shop.
Vote: has 79.57 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, ethnic, football
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator? A: The elevator can raise a child.
Vote: has 75.62 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: football, insulting, kids, sport
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Vote: has 74.83 % from 212 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: football, sport, stupid, Yo mama
Man visits India and meets an old man in the town square who is renowned for his elephantine memory. He asks the old man what he had for breakfast on the same day 15 years back. "Eggs," replies the old man, the man scoffs at this saying everyone has eggs for breakfast and walks away. Ten years later he returns to India and sees the same old man on the same spot, goes to him and asks, "How?" The old man takes one look at his face and replies, "Scrambled."
Vote: has 72.79 % from 57 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, elephant, football, geography, memory
Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? because the grass tickles their balls :)
Vote: has 69.40 % from 111 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, football
Billionaire Richard Branson has withdrawn from a sponsorship deal of Chesterfield Football Club. He stated that 'he couldnt have the name VIRGIN on the teams shirts ... when they get fucked every week !'
Vote: has 67.78 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: football, sport
After a recent football game, the team went into the locker room to get out of their uniforms and to shower. In the showers, Bubba noticed that Duke has a cork shoved up his butt-hole. So, Bubba asked, "Duke, why in the world do you have a cork up your butt?" Duke answered, "Last night when I was cleaning my antique brass lamps, a genie came out of one of them. The genie said that I had one wish. I was really startled and I replied, "No shit!"
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: communication, disgusting, football, genie
Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing." Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!" Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."
Vote: has 66.96 % from 35 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, football, hospital, sport, work
Three fans were bemoaning the sorry state of their football team. "I blame the general manager," said the first fan. "If he signed better players, we'd be a great team." "I blame the players," said the 
second fan. "If they made more of 
an effort, we'd score some points." "I blame my parents," said the third. "If I'd been born in Seattle, 
I'd be supporting a decent team."
Vote: has 66.60 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: family, football, geography, management, sport


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