What did the light bulb say to the switch?
You turn me on.
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I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said "Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place..."
I asked "Are you single?"
She replied "No, I'm a dentist."
A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island.
The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger.
The three start to build a watchtower.
The stranger offers to take first watch.
While the husband and wife gather driftwood on the sand, the stranger yells, "Hey! No sex on the beach! Get back to work!"
The husband yells back, "We're not having sex!"
Later, the stranger yells out to them again.
Again, the husband yells back and corrects him.
This happens several times during the stranger's shift.
Finally, the husband's takes his shift in the watch tower.
His wife and the good-looking stranger make passionate love on the beach.
The husband on watch exclaims, "Wow, it really does look like f**king from up here!"
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Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.
"Does your ass have Allstate insurance?"
"No, why?"
"Well, do you want it to be in good hands?"
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?"
Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."
Two monsters went to a Halloween party.
Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
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