The best jewish jokes

Q: Why do Jewish men get circumcised? A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20% off.
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has 81.62 % from 1237 votes. More jokes about: jewish, racist
Hitler calls a meeting of his best soldiers and commanders and tells them "Alright I want to order the assassination of one thousand jews and four hedgehogs." Then one of his generals stands and says "But... Mein furhur why four hedgehogs?" Hitler then smiles and says "See? No one gives a f*ck about the jews."
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has 80.14 % from 2021 votes. More jokes about: Hitler, jewish, racist
Q: How was copper wire invented? A: Two jews fighting over a penny.
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has 79.68 % from 2378 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I'm serious that Israeli how he does it.
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has 79.52 % from 246 votes. More jokes about: jewish
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I buzz you in. Come inside and elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?" "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? "What... You're coming empty handed?"
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has 79.46 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: family, jewish, mean
A Jewish family invited their Redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is a soup made with matzoh balls." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the redneck man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple urged him to, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally, he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said, but I was wondering... "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
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has 79.34 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: food, jewish, redneck
Do not be racist , be like Mario. He's an italian plumber, made by Japanese people, who speaks english, looks like a mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a jew!
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has 79.23 % from 2669 votes. More jokes about: ethnic, jewish, mexican, racist, work
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.” The priest says, “Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?” “Never Father, I’m Jewish.” “So then, why are you telling me?” “I’m telling everybody!”
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has 79.02 % from 428 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, jewish, old people, priest
A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face. "Owch!" the Chinese man says. "What was that for?" "That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says. "But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" And the Jewish man sits back down. Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face. "Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?" "That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says. "But that was an iceberg!" "Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
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has 78.99 % from 920 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, jewish, racist
Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.
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has 78.69 % from 1873 votes. More jokes about: jewish, money, racist, sex
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