The best winter jokes

A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
Vote: has 84.89 % from 598 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT, technology, wife, winter
Q: Where does a snowman keep his money? A: In a snow bank.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, winter
Q: Where do Snowmen go to dance? A: To snowballs.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: winter
Q: Why do hipsters love ice? A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
Vote: has 80.35 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hipster, love, winter
In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. "Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks." "I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied." Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out. "What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room. "Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed." "Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic." "I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?" "Jesus, Son of Mary." "Where was he born?" "In a stable." "And why was he born in a stable?" "Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"
Vote: has 78.85 % from 238 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, jewish, racist, time, winter
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
Vote: has 77.74 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport, winter
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
Vote: has 77.51 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, science, winter
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: travel, winter
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: 1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend. 3. And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, friendship, life, winter