The best winter jokes

A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen". The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them". Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
Vote: has 84.87 % from 633 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: computer, IT, technology, wife, winter
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story: 1. Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy. 2. Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend. 3. And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Vote: has 78.55 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, friendship, life, winter
In the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. "Excuse me," she said to the manager. "My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and I’d like a small room for two weeks." "I’m awfully sorry," he replied, "but all of our rooms are occupied." Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out. "What luck," said Mrs. Goldstein. "Now there’s a room. "Not so fast, Madam. I’m sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed." "Jewish? Who’s Jewish? I happen to be Catholic." "I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?" "Jesus, Son of Mary." "Where was he born?" "In a stable." "And why was he born in a stable?" "Because a schmuck like you wouldn’t let a Jew rent a room in his hotel!"
Vote: has 77.95 % from 313 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: god, jewish, racist, time, winter
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bird, disgusting, holiday, winter
Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds ? A: Icerbergers with chilly sauce!
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, winter
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
Vote: has 73.52 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, wife, winter
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!" The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the mens cammode, wait for a young pilot to come along, and when he sits down you climb right up between his butt cheeks where its nice and warm". The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was. The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?" To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the mens cammode and this pilot came in and sat down, I climbed right up between his butt cheeks and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
Vote: has 72.79 % from 236 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, bar, gay, travel, winter
Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.
Vote: has 72.77 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, men, winter, women
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
Vote: has 72.56 % from 24 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: chemistry, science, winter
The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
Vote: has 72.47 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, sport, white people, winter