The best weather jokes

Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Vote: has 86.16 % from 740 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, weather, women
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
Vote: has 79.50 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: hospital, men, time, weather
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Vote: has 79.05 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside.
Vote: has 78.35 % from 1367 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, weather
Vaginas are like weather, when it's wet, it's time to go inside.
Vote: has 78.25 % from 1830 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, time, weather
Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
Vote: has 77.68 % from 134 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Yo Momma's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."
Vote: has 77.15 % from 95 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, weather, Yo mama
Yo Momma so fat, she rolled out of bed and everybody thought there was an earthquake.
Vote: has 75.73 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, weather, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.
Vote: has 74.89 % from 100 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, insulting, weather, Yo mama
Chuck Norris owns the gold color at the end of the rainbow.
Vote: has 74.84 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather