The best weather jokes

Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women? Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Vote:
has 85.68 % from 895 votes. More jokes about: car, weather, women
There were these two blonds and they locked their keys in their car. The one blonde says to the other, "What do we do? Do we get a coat hanger and pick the lock?" The other one replied, "No, people will think we're trying to break in." The other one said, "Well do we get a knife and cut the rubber and pop the lock?" The other one answered," No, people will think we're too stupid to use the coat hanger." The other one said, "Well we better think of something quick because it's starting to rain and the sunroof is open."
Vote:
has 84.26 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: car, communication, stupid, weather
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system: "If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."
Vote:
has 82.20 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: car, customer service, weather
A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. They saw an abandoned log cabin and went inside. The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. The priest told the nun that she could sleep on the bed and he would sleep in the sleeping bag in the floor. As they were alone and beginning to get settled. The young nun said, "father?" in a song-song voice. He answered, "yes, sister?" "I'm cold." The priest got up and went to the closet and got another blanket and covered the nun. As he was settling back into his sleeping bag, she again said, "father?" "Yes, sister?" "I'm still cold." The priest got up and got another blanket from the closet and added it to the sisters' bed, tucking her in. He climbed back into the sleeping bag. Just as he was getting settled and the fire was crackling she called out to him again. "I'm still cold!" He said, "sister?" "Yes?" "We are all alone out here in this cabin in the mountains." "Yes, we are!" "Just this once... Yes? Just tonight... yes? Do you want to pretend that we are married?" "Oh yes! I do!" "Ok... get up and get your own dang blanket!"
Vote:
has 81.95 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, priest, weather
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
Vote:
has 79.91 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: hospital, men, time, weather
Vaginas are like weather, when it's wet, it's time to go inside.
Vote:
has 78.09 % from 1920 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time, weather
Vaginas are like weather. When it's wet, it's time to go inside.
Vote:
has 77.35 % from 1472 votes. More jokes about: sex, weather
Q: How are women and tornadoes alike? A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
Vote:
has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: mean, weather, women
Yo Momma's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."
Vote:
has 75.69 % from 238 votes. More jokes about: fat, weather, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.
Vote:
has 75.25 % from 278 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, weather, Yo mama
1234
More jokes →
Page 1 of 11.