Failed my biology test today:
They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.
Q: Why aren't there any Wal Marts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there is a Target on every corner.
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total," says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
Q: Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20% off.
Q: Why are all black people fast?
A: The slow ones are in jail.
How can you tell a black guy has been on your computer?
It's not there.
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two jews fighting over a penny.
A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school...
Teacher: "Whats your name?"
Boy: "Nadir"
Teacher: "No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today."
Boy went home and his mother asked: "How was the day Nadir?"
Boy: "I am an American now, so call me Johnny."
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised...
Teacher: "What happened Johnny?"
Boy: "Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists."
Asian pregnancy test:
Stick a Rubik cube into vagina.
Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face.
"Owch!" the Chinese man says.
"What was that for?"
"That was for Pearl Harbor," the Jewish man says.
"But I'm Chinese!" "Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?"
And the Jewish man sits back down.
Then, the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.
"Ouch!" the Jewish man says. "What was that for?"
"That was for the Titanic," the Chinese man says.
"But that was an iceberg!"
"Ice berg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"