"Grandpa, grandpa! I'm watching a soccer game!" Grandpa: "Who's playing?" Grandson: "Austria-Hungary." Grandpa: "Against who?"
Breaking news: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 23 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.
Dad: What is the opposite of ladyfingers? The family: No idea Dad: Mentos
A little old man who's hard of hearing goes to see the doctor. As he can't hear very well, he takes his wife with him. The doctor examines the man and then says, "Hmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample." The old man turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife replies, "He said he wants your underwear."
I saw a girl crying, so I asked her "Where are your parents?" and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
What did the light bulb say to the switch? You turn me on.
My granddad always used to say; "As one door closes, another one opens..." Lovely man, terrible cabinet maker.
I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said "Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place..." I asked "Are you single?" She replied "No, I'm a dentist."
Wife: I'm leaving you. Me: Is it because I act like I know everything? Wife: Yes. Me: I knew it.
Wife: "Honey let's play a game?" Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?" Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month." Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?" Wife: (smile) "Yes darling." Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction) Wife: "Are u ready?" Husband: "Yes, ready." Wife: "Turkey" It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
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