I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.
If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.
Think of the hottest woman. Chuck Norris did her.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation." Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it. It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love. He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him. The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love. I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive. After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind. It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."
Q: What do lipstick and mascara do when they get in a fight? A: They make up.