A girl married with a man who had only one foot. Next day her mother rang her and asked: "My little tell me how did U feel the marriage?" Her daughter replied: "Woo real splendid; alas he has only one foot!" Her mom answered: "You must be too lucky, when I married your dad; he had only one inch!"
My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know." Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone." Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!" Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home." "That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I've only ever known and loved her as Christine.
getting ready to stone a prostitute that had been caught in the act. Jesus said, "Let the first stone be thrown by someone who has never sinned" Suddenly, a rock comes flying over the crowd. Jesus turned, looks and then comments. "Mother!!"
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