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Received a call from a recruitment lady. She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you." Me: "Yes I Know." *Awkward silence* She: "Asshole" Me: "I prefer the other one."
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has 72.71 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: dirty, work
What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: black humor, cop
I never wanted to believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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has 82.03 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: work
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
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has 81.77 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: dad, kids, school, wife
I would make a Sodium joke But Na
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has 70.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: chemistry
I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed. My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count." Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: family, kids
My math teacher called me average... How mean!
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has 76.32 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: math
I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep...
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has 82.72 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: poems
A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across. They then did so the following day and the day after that, until finally the retiree decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said: "You kids are a lot of fun. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing". The boys were more than happy and continued to bang the bins. After a few days, the old man greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "I'm going to have to cut it down to 50 cents a day to keep banging the bins." The kids were obviously unimpressed but they accepted the reduction in payment and continued their afternoon activities. A few days later, the man approached them again. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my payment yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "That's it?" the 'drum leader' exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these around for 25 cents each a day, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
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has 86.41 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: old people, school, student
A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You cannot do this, I'm a congressman!" The thief replied, "In that case, give me MY money!"
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has 81.21 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: money, political

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