The best fitness jokes

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
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Strong people don't put other people down. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.
Vote: has 81.69 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

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If you really want to loosen your pectineus, you should skip the squats and let me stretch them out.
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When Chuck Norris finishes his workout, the gym takes a break.
Vote: has 78.86 % from 217 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fitness, gym
An 80-year old Italian man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?” "I’m Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy,” and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. Have a glass of vino, and all is well.” “Well,” says the doctor, “I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your Dad when he died?” ”Who said my Dad’s dead?” The doctor is amazed. “You mean you’re 80 years old and your Dad’s still alive. How old is he?” “He’s 100 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. “In fact he golfed with me this morning, and then we went to the topless beach for a walk, that’s why he’s still alive… he’s Italian and he’s a golfer too.” “Well,” the doctor says, “that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. How about your Dad’s Dad? How old was he when he died?” ”Who said my grandpa’s dead?” Stunned, the doctor asks, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! Incredible, how old is he?” “He’s 118 years old,” says the old Italian golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, “So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?” “No. Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he’s getting married today.” At this point the doctor is close to losing it. “Getting married! Why would a 118 year-old guy want to get married?” ”Who said he wanted to?”
Vote: has 76.22 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dad, doctor, fitness, old people
What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster.
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

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Q: How do Columbians develop muscle? A: By pushing drugs.
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
Vote: has 75.16 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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I heard that the missionary position helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

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